“Marriage is hard”, I’m sure we’ve all heard someone make that claim. Well, as someone who’s had a happy marriage for over 10 years now, and I can tell you with absolute confidence that it doesn’t have to be.
Marriage takes work, 100%, but that doesn’t necessarily mean marriage is hard. You can have a happy, healthy, indestructible marriage that feels effortless if you:
1. put in the time (practice),
2. learn the necessary skills,
3. and form the right habits.
With this blog, my wife and I intend to help you with those last two, but putting what you learn into practice is entirely up to you.
Which brings us to the two simple, yet powerful words that you need to make a habit of saying to your spouse, for they can act as a catalyst, and transform even a difficult marriage into a thriving, easy one—”thank you”.
Advice for a Happy Marriage: Saying ‘Thank You’
Why Saying ‘Thank You’ Works
You may be thinking, “Thank you? Seriously? That’s it?”
I know it can sound too easy, and some will even laugh or roll their eyes, but if you truly desire a happy marriage, then making sure your spouse feels appreciated should be important to you.
And when you express sincere gratitude, 3 things happen:
- Acknowledgement
- Positive reinforcement
- Deepens connection
1. Acknowledgement
You’re recognizing the efforts your spouse is putting into your marriage. Receiving heartfelt gratitude will not only make them feel good, but it can also help relieve stress, and make them far less likely to think about separating in the future.
So, from small gestures like making breakfast, to significant sacrifices, or even things considered to be their “job” (taking out the trash, doing dishes, or yard work), saying thank you is a heartfelt acknowledgment of your partner’s love and commitment.
2. Positive Reinforcement
I’ve had conversations where someone complained that their partner was often on their phone or constantly complaining about work, when they should have been focusing on quality time together, and this was leading to arguments.
One of the first questions I ask is, when their partner does focus on them and isn’t on their phone or complaining about work, do they thank them. Oftentimes, the answer is “no” or “I didn’t think to do that”.
Positive reinforcement encourages the replication of behavior. When you voice appreciation for the good (especially when you’ve had arguments about the bad) behavior, your partner will feel good about what they’ve done, and will be more likely to do it again.
This simple practice can subtly set a strong foundation for a happy marriage.
3. Deepens Connection
Finally, the act of saying thank you deepens the emotional connection between you and your spouse. It’s a momentary pause in life’s chaos to genuinely look into your partner’s eyes and appreciate them.
In practicing this, you’ll be looking for moments to thank your spouse, which will lead to you recognizing the value they provide. And as Jesus says in Matthew 7:7, “seek and you shall find”, this focus on the positive will ultimately lead to a strong, positive, happy marriage.
Practical Tips: Integrating “Thank You” in Daily Life
So, we know saying thank you is powerful, but how and when you say it matters too. Here are some quick marriage tips to incorporate gratitude effectively:
- Mean It: A thank you without heart is like a cake without sugar – bland. Ensure your gratitude comes from a place of sincerity.
- Surprise Them: A random note of thanks left on the fridge or a text in the middle of a hectic day can bring a smile to your partner’s face.
- Listen for “I Did”-Style Sentences: Say thank you when you hear these. This would be like when your partner says “I did the laundry”, “I got the kids’ lunches packed”, “I paid the water bill”, etc.
- Look for Valuable Action: Notice when your partner performs an action that provides some form of value to you and thank them. It could be that they cooked dinner, fed the pets, swept the floor, etc.
In Conclusion: Marry Gratitude with Love
To marry is to unite, and when you unite gratitude with love, you set the stage for a harmonious, fulfilled, and joyous life together.
A relationship thrives on communication, appreciation, understanding, and mutual respect. So, the next time your partner does something—big or small—look them in the eyes and say, “Thank you.”
Because in the vast landscape of marriage tips, these two words can indeed pave the way for a lifetime of love, ensuring a happy marriage and a journey you both cherish.
